I’ve had a renewed interest in the evolution of our species ever since it was announced that some of us have a little Neanderthal DNA in us. It now appears that some of our ancestors got their game on with the neighbours in the cave next door, which helps explain some of the differences in our current evolutionary state. Things like red hair, blonde hair, blue eyes and freckles seem to have something to do with hanging out a lot with the neighbours if you know what I mean.

We all know that early man took to painting the cave walls at some point. Was it decorative? Was it spiritual? Was it a way to impress the ladies? No one can really say. We also know those cave dwellers also made small female figurines like the Venus of Willendorf to pass the time. Were they goddesses or were they something else? We still don’t know with absolute certainty.

Science tells us that our cave dwelling hunter gatherer ancestors had a lot of spare time on their hands, and those nice little figurines weren’t the only things that they started carving.  Archaeologists have been discovering “stone phallus’s” for years in the back of Great-Grandma’s cave.  They come in all sizes, shapes and some even seem to be designed to be shared.  Hours seem to have been spent making the right “tool” for the job or at least one that would find that sweet spot if you get my drift.

So what’s the length of a “normal” human penis anyways? Inquiring minds would like to know. If the medical median is 6 inches, we can then presume that there are longer ones, medium sized ones and tiny itty-bitty ones.  If the same median applies to ancient man and we look at the archaeological evidence, it would appear that some of our cave dwelling ancestors didn’t quite measure up either.  It’s still a 50/50 coin toss for the modern age sexual adventurer from what I hear.

Is a small penis a Neanderthal trait?  Good question. Well my own theory on the subject is why would you go to the neighbors when you have the right tool at home?  Perhaps the Neanderthal neighbor had a special “ability” when compared to the “little” man back in the home cave. Or was it the other way around? Maybe it was the Neanderthal women who were more than a “little” disappointed with the size of their man.

Scientists are still trying to sell us on the idea that early man only used these stone “phalluses” as hammers to create blades and spear points.  Really? Maybe they were strictly used as recreational “tools” to relieve some tension around the fire.  Perhaps they were  a stand in for a “Johnny come quickly” ancient ancestor?

The jury is still out.

One thing for sure is that size did matter and does matter.