I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past either.
My own life experiences and struggles have given me a great deal of insight into the lives of others. My early life taught me to be more understanding. It has made me more forgiving when I am not treated with respect by others. This being said, just because I’m a strong person doesn’t give anyone a free pass to disrespect me without consequence and I do mean anyone.
I’ve met many women who have told me that all men are the same, perhaps because their own life experiences have brought them into contact with men who were in fact similar in appearance and behavior. It is said that we all have a type we are attracted to and perhaps just perhaps they selected the same type of man. I will not spare men either for our tastes in women can also be similar in nature and not just limited to appearance either. I am also aware that our “type” will include the characteristics of one or both of our parents.
I have come to the conclusion that our personal history whether it be difficult or easy can and does affect how we react in our future relationships. This being said, if we are aware of the problems caused by our exposure to toxic people in our past, shouldn’t we at least attempt to start working on our issues and seek some professional help if we can’t get it done on our own?
We’ve all heard someone say that they’re too old to change their ways. Old dogs can and do learn new tricks easier than younger dogs. They understand the reward system. Thus a human’s refusal to change has nothing to do with age, but instead with an unwillingness to adapt to a new reality or to change their behavior for someone else. I learned at a very young age that anger is a weakness, not a strength. These same people remain angry for years, even decades for a perceived slight of some kind by an ex. Their refusal to change combined with their anger is palpable, and uncomfortable at times.
This being said, when do we decide to stop experiencing and paying for the damage done to them by others?
When do we cut our losses when they refuse to take any steps to change?